Some Sad News But With a Good Lesson

Hello everyone.
Today's post is going to be a little lengthy, but that's to be expected from me. And I'm sorry it has to be kind of sad again but, I really haven't had anything interesting to talk about yet! Hopefully soon, I have many trips planned.
But, back to the matter at hand.

I didn't want to make a post about this, but I would like to get it off my chest. And also so people just know.
I'm not looking so much for sympathy, but I thought it best to speak just so my off mood can be better understood and so I can have a little talk with you guys about life.

Yesterday, I found out that my biological father passed away. He passed in November of a heart attack.

Now, I never knew him, never met him. I spoke to him on the phone I think a total of 3 times ever in my life and the last time I was 12. I spent most of my life thinking I didn't really want to meet him, and thought so even more after I finally got a dad who would take care of me and love me for the rest of my life! But after I graduated high school (2 years ago) I decided maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I began to consider it. It wasn't a final decision, but I decided to let it be an option again. I thought it would be cool to see where I get all my mannerisms and thought processes from since my mom says I'm just like him in those ways.

So, he recently moved about 4 and a half hours away from me and I began to consider it even more. I decided I would contact him after I turned 21 and that I would set up a time to sit and have a chat with him.

For those who have read my letter to him on here, you know that I was planning on this. I didn't want to meet him so he couldn't suddenly take the role of my dad, but more so I could know him in general and maybe have a sort of friendship with him.

Thus, I did cry when I heard the news. Mostly from shock, but also from sadness. I have no idea if he knew God or if he'd ever accepted Christ into his heart. I could've been the one to talk to him, and I planned on sharing that part of my life and it really pains me to know that my hesitation could have cost him an afterlife in heaven. If this is true, I will probably never get to meet him and I'm just really unsure of how to take the news. I wasn't close to him in even the simplest or slightest sense of the word. But he is the man who helped give me life and I wish I hadn't hesitated when he moved closer to me. It was a very possible trip I didn't make.

My mother says she doesn't want me to feel guilty. And I don't think it's guilt that I feel, but just a little hint of regret.

So here's what I want to say. If you have a chance, please take it. Whether that's for something to boost you in you career or schooling, or if it's a person you need to talk to. Don't be afraid. Give yourself those few minutes or an hour of courage. In the end it'll pay off. Because I now have to think about the fact that my fear of my dad getting angry or hurt if I went to meet my biological father and my own fear of what it would be like, has cost me the only opportunity I had. Life is too short guys, my father was only 47 when he passed. Anything can happen to anyone.

Don't let the past stop you, and don't let your fear of the future stop you either. None of us know when it's our time to part from this earth. We need to make the best of it.

I'll be alright, so don't worry about me. But I wanted to take this moment to have a deep talk with you all.

Love you guys and hope you have a wonderful week. Hug someone you haven't hugged in a while. Tell them you love them and that you care.

*virtual hugs all around; feel the love*

With Love,
Florence 🌻

Women in Togas!

Hey everyone! It's been quite a long time!

So, if you've been reading my blog, you know that I've been going to practices for my play. This last weekend, we finally, finally performed it.

Needless to say, it was quite fun, slightly hectic, exhausting, but well worth it. I was really truly sad to pack everything away and say my goodbyes to the people that had become like family to me. Though, once the semester is over, we plan on having another get-together and eating lots of food and probably drinking a fair amount of alcohol (because there's only like, 6 or 7 of us and why not) and playing board games and having musical/Disney karaoke.

Back to the topic at hand though, lots of people turned out, many laughed, and as expected, there was one performance that was just full of an awkward crowd that... really, didn't laugh at all. Quite strange, that was.
My sister kept telling me how cute I looked and I had to laugh because our Togas were made of plain, colored sheets. How... special? *laughs*

I don't know quite what else to say, but there was a lot of singing, a lot of random party time, a lot of frustration, and a lot of laughing. I enjoyed every moment and I can't wait to audition for another play/Musical in the near future!

With Love,
Florence 🌻

Tattoos & Video Games

Good morning everyone!

I figured since I was really behind on blog posts, I'd spoil you guys with another one just several hours after my last one! Whaaaat?

Moving onto the topics at hand, let's begin with tattoos.

Last Monday, my best friend Jay-Z and I went to get tattoos as a late birthday present to her because we were both too busy on her actual birthday about a week and a half before. Needless to say, even though it was my second tattoo, I was still really super nervous. I hate needles, of any kind, and I'm not good with putting myself in pain on purpose. Can I handle totally buffing it off a bike and skinning my knees and elbows all to hell? Yes. Can I handle getting flu shots or tattoos? Nope. But I prefer tattoos, and I like tattoos, so I just deal with it.

I got a Kingdom Hearts tattoo (freaking surprise, like I'm not the nerd I am and like I don't have a tattoo in elvish across my shoulder, whatever) and my friend got the Simba that's drawn on the tree in the Lion King.

I found this kind of funny considering how it was my cousins first tattoo as well, but he got his like 4 and a half years ago.

Anyway, I was literally amazed at how well she did. Both of my tattoos were all tiny and only one had color but she went all in! Size, tons of shading and coloring, the whole shabang. I could only applaud her inwardly because man, she did way better than I would have!

After that whole endeavor, we went clothes shopping and went to a really cool reptile store and held a beautiful Bermese Python named Sheba. It was a fun time!

Now, onto video games.

As you can tell by my recent tattoo, my favorite game series probably ever is Kingdom Hearts. I refuse to sell my PS2 because that's how I play KH 1 & 2. Nearly 2 years ago, 2 years ago, us fans got a teaser trailer for KH3. And recently, the word is that it might be coming out in February next year.

Like we haven't waited long enough?! I mean, come on! Cut us some slack guys, I'm dying over here!

I can't say I'm joking too much, because I really do want the game. I'm to a point where I'll slap down all my cash for a PS4 and the pre-order of the game whenever they actually release it!

Are any of you guys into tattoos or video games? If so, tell me about it, I would love to see what we might have in common!

With Love,
Florence 🌻

On the Road Again! (Not Really Though...)

Hey guys! Florence here.

Sorry I've been so inactive! It's Spring Break and I've been so busy visiting people and doing other fun things (aside from work here and there) that I've totally not even thought about blogging!

I've decided that I want nicer, more my age clothes, so I'm selling old clothes! Already today I've made $80! I'm so happy, I can't wait to make a trip to this amazing store called the Basement Marketplace, they have the best clothes and great bras and underwear for pretty amazing prices!

I got to actually spend some time with Patrick (I've missed him so much, it was nice cuddling him and watching Chopped and Kitchen Nightmares) and I also got to hang with Tay! Fergie was away on a cruise, but I'm glad she had so much fun! I'm ready to be reunited with my gals.

That's all for now! Blog again soon!

With Love,
Florence 🌻

Part 2 of 4: Things That Make Me Happy

• Tay (friend)
• Jay-Z (friend)
• Fergie (friend)
• Patrick (boyfriend)
• Hayao Miyazaki Films
• Patrick's Artwork
• Books (of all sorts)
• Doctor Who
• Starkid Productions
• Clothes Straight From the Dryer
• Harmonizing While Singing w/Friends
• Kingdom Hearts
• Christmas Lights
• Elephants
• Dancing
• Soft Sheets
• Horses
• Geocaching
• Manga
• Anime
• The Cold Side of the Pillow
• Colorful Hair
• Singing Out of A Car Sunroof
• Long Drives w/Good Friends
• Disney

Everything's Going My Way

Hello there friends!

Today, Patrick's brother is getting married! It's pretty exciting.
(Well, technically he's been married for almost a year, but only on paper; they haven't had the actual ceremony fun part yet)

So, I'm gonna dress up and look hella cute and all that crap. Not really crap though because I'm actually pretty happy about it. :)

I also recieved my new bluetooth keyboard (since I don't have a working laptop) so that's what I'm typing on right now! Pretty fun stuff for me because, let's face it, who even likes writing entire blog posts on a tiny phone screen? Answer: no one that I know. I'm pretty sure everyone finds it annoying. Especially with my phone lately; it keeps making typos and not fixing when I spell a word with one wrong letter and it's just frustrating. Only downside to this keyboard so far is that my quotation marks still don't turn like they're "supposed" to. Ugh.

Anyway, things really do seem to be looking up for me. I've only been sad because some things I've been thinking about and considering for my life... well, the answers I know I need to follow are not exactly what I want to hear. At least, not for all of them. I won't go into too much detail, but I think I might be back to being single within the month if things don't work out the way I'd like them to. On the bright side, I'm pretty sure I'm going to the Disney Program in Florida with Tay and Fergie in the Fall of 2016. I think that will be a really cool and exciting and new experience and I don't want to pass it up out of fear. I'm going to look into it more today and see what exactly it's all about. I'm also going to focus on saving my money so I CAN go with them when the time comes. When I have that budgeted out, then I'll start saving for a car, then for my (hopefully) future, month long trip to New Zealand!

I would write more, but I gotta go shower and get ready for that wedding. It's in like an hour!

Write later!

With Love,
Florence

Part 1 of 4: Things That Make Me Happy

Autumn Temperatures
• Creek Trips
• Camping
• The Beach
• Concerts
• Snow
• Rain
• Clouds
• Music
• Broadway
• Playing My Violin
• My Rat, Hiyori
• My Brother and Sister
• Animals
• Horseback riding
• Finding New Places
• Writing
• Written Poetry
• Spoken Poetry
• Church Worship Services
• Boots for Adventuring
• Converse
• Soft Cotton Shirts
• Photography
• Tumblr

Reasons I Deserve to Be an Elf

Ok, let's be honest here, I'm a HUGE Lord of the Rings fan... and of The Hobbit. And ever since I was about 13, I've wanted to be an elf.
As unrealistic as that may sound, I have some very good cogent reasons as to why I deserve to be an elf.

Reason #1: I Have Really Good Balance
Of course, the only time such a talent fails me is when I don't need it. Sometimes om just standing and I'll start to tip sideways or something... but, need someone to run along a wall for you, jump into trees and scale steep hillsides and rocks for you? I'm your girl. And I do so quite smoothly, I might add. If I was trained by the elves, I'd probably be even better.

Reason #2: Quick Reflexes
That's right, I'm someone who can block or catch something flying at my face 9 out of 10 times. The time I don't is usually caused by Patrick because I let my guard down around him the most and sometimes he catches me by throwing little bits of trash at me and the like. (Playfully, not meanly; we get along quite well) If I was ever to get in a fight, I know I have a great chance at winning because I know where to hit people for weak spots and I would be able to dodge or use most of their attacks against them.

Reason #3: I Can Be Pretty Sometimes
I can hear you laughing over there, but I do have a kind of elvish/fairy kind of face. I'm small, so I guess the only thing I'm missing is some height, but other than that, I could fit the part. I love elvish clothing, and my hair is getting long enough to where I can do those cool braids in it. Also, if my ears were just slightly more pointed at the tops, I would have some pretty natural looking elf ears! On occasion, I dress up and do my hair, makeup, and wear cute jewelry.

Reason #4: When Taught, I'm Great With Weapons
If we're going to talk modern weapons, I'm quite good with a gun. But, when I was younger, my little brother got a hunting bow. I used that thing a lot. I was great at it too; hardly ever missed my target once j knew how to aim. What I want to learn next is how to use knives, and if I get good enough at it, I would love to buy some of "elvish" make and use them against fake opponents!
... Yes, I know, I'm a nerd, but you gotta dot it would be kinda cool!

Reason #5: The Places You Get to Live In Are Gorgeous
If you've seen any of the Lord of the Rings films, or of The Hobbit, you know just how beautiful elven places can be! And someone like me lives for beautiful places in nature!

Reason #6: I'm a Tree Hugger
In a sense, elves are too. They live in the forests and beauties of green places, they don't eat meat (right? Correct me if I'm wrong) and they have a higher sense of the earth around them.

Reason #7: Who Doesn't Want to Be an Elf?!
I mean, really! They're so freakin cool and graceful and gorgeous! I deserve this life! Hahaha!

Any of you ever feel the way I do? Leave a comment below if you wish!

With Love,
Florence 🌻

I Found a Piece of Freedom

*Fair warning! If you're not religious or don't believe in anything higher than the human race, then maybe skip this post because I'll be posting again either later tonight or tomorrow I'm sure.*

Today, a guest speaker was at my boyfriend's church. We'll call him Patrick after Patrick Stump because he doesn't quite fit any male pop-singers I know.

Now Patrick had to help with Children's Church today, so I was left to listen to the guest speaker on my own. Usually I would've felt really awkward, and I did a little at first, but after a quick prayer before the message started, I felt less afraid of being alone and was ready to take notes and listen.

So, coolest bit, the guest speaker is a girl. We'll call her Stefani after Lady Gaga because her voice is INCREDIBLE. Stefani gets up to speak her message over us and I was moved from about 5 minutes in until she ended about 35 minutes later. I cried and my heart was softened. Stefani spoke of how she moved to another country and how she's been travelling all over Brazil to spread the love of God and to tell others about Jesus. She spoke of all the incredible miracles that happened when they prayed over these people who had never heard of Jesus before, of the good hearts of those who were working and helping her, of everything. I was so happy and so moved and it was tough because I had been slowly drifting away from my faith for the past 2 years. Not to the point of not believing, I've always believed in God and Jesus and everything! But my personal spiritual walk had been failing.

After service was over, and a group of people got done thanking and saying hi to Stefani, I went up and spoke to her for about 10-15 minutes about how her message totally spoke to my heart. I told her about my depression/anxiety and how, even though it's not terrible or anything, it has still hindered me from doing certain things over the years that it's really kicked in. She prayed with me twice (once during service, but the other was when I spoke to her) and she asked for my email so she could send me some scriptures to meditate on and gave me solid advice on how to move forward in my calling for God.

I just feel so much freer and my heart doesn't feel so heavy! I've found a piece if freedom in my life today, and I can't wait for the next steps.

Have any of you ever had an encounter like this before? Or, even if not spiritually, you just found a piece of freedom and life that came out if nowhere and blessed you? Let me know in the comments! Or if you need some prayer, let me know about that too; I will pray for you.

With Love,
Florence 🌻

To Be a Nightowl in A Small Town

So, ever since I was about 16, I've become someone who stays up really late.

Sometimes this is because I simply stay duo too late or slept in too much from the night/morning before. But, even though this is when I tend to do my best work for writing and art and the like, there are also some definite downsides to being a nightowl.

#1: Unless You Have Friends Who Are Also Nightowls, You're the Only One Awake
This has happened to me on a number of occasions. Most of my friends are either early birds naturally, or they're forced to be because of school. As for me, early is about 8:30 or 9 because I'm usually up until 2 or 3 in the morning. What sucks is if my thoughts start getting dark, everyone is asleep and the one person I know I could call (let's call him Zayn because, let's face it, he's still attractive to me) is the only person I can't and shouldn't call.
Moving on.

#2: You Tend to Want to Go Walk Somewhere, But If You're Female, Forget It.
Like, seriously, there's this cool place in town I love to go near our local train tracks. I actually used to go with Zayn when we were younger, before things got messy, and I always have this sense of freedom whenever I'm near or on the tracks. We used to go together really late and sometimes my brother or sister or another friend would tag along. Nowadays I sometimes still feel the urge to go there and feel the wind on my face,to feel dangerous and free and alive. But, because I'm a woman, going alone sucks. Referring back to numero uno, my friends are usually sleeping and it's like 1am and I know if I go, I'll get jumped or something. Bad idea.

#3: If You're Like Me, Your Thoughts Wander Too Far and Too Deep
I have dark days, but mostly I'm alright. It's alright night though that the darkness feels more like a breathing thing that sometimes feels like it's going to crack me open from the inside. I know that sounds HELLA depressing, but anxiety and depression is something I have to deal with every day. I'm not saying this for pity, it's just simply fact. I'm not in too deep; I need meds and a consistent Journaling system, especially in poetry, but for the most part I'm fine. Late night, I usually write great poetry and read good books and have deep, life questioning and wondering thoughts. But, again, the downside is if the thoughts begin to take over my sanity and I just can't sleep.

#4: Sleeplessness
I don't think I need to say more than that.

Anyway, the point is, I love being a nightowl, but at times, I wish I had a friend who was also one with me.

Are any of you like this? If so, please let me know! Maybe we can talk to one another some late night!

With Love,
Florence 🌻