Hello everyone.
Today's post is going to be a little lengthy, but that's to be expected from me. And I'm sorry it has to be kind of sad again but, I really haven't had anything interesting to talk about yet! Hopefully soon, I have many trips planned.
But, back to the matter at hand.
I didn't want to make a post about this, but I would like to get it off my chest. And also so people just know.
I'm not looking so much for sympathy, but I thought it best to speak just so my off mood can be better understood and so I can have a little talk with you guys about life.
Yesterday, I found out that my biological father passed away. He passed in November of a heart attack.
Now, I never knew him, never met him. I spoke to him on the phone I think a total of 3 times ever in my life and the last time I was 12. I spent most of my life thinking I didn't really want to meet him, and thought so even more after I finally got a dad who would take care of me and love me for the rest of my life! But after I graduated high school (2 years ago) I decided maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I began to consider it. It wasn't a final decision, but I decided to let it be an option again. I thought it would be cool to see where I get all my mannerisms and thought processes from since my mom says I'm just like him in those ways.
So, he recently moved about 4 and a half hours away from me and I began to consider it even more. I decided I would contact him after I turned 21 and that I would set up a time to sit and have a chat with him.
For those who have read my letter to him on here, you know that I was planning on this. I didn't want to meet him so he couldn't suddenly take the role of my dad, but more so I could know him in general and maybe have a sort of friendship with him.
Thus, I did cry when I heard the news. Mostly from shock, but also from sadness. I have no idea if he knew God or if he'd ever accepted Christ into his heart. I could've been the one to talk to him, and I planned on sharing that part of my life and it really pains me to know that my hesitation could have cost him an afterlife in heaven. If this is true, I will probably never get to meet him and I'm just really unsure of how to take the news. I wasn't close to him in even the simplest or slightest sense of the word. But he is the man who helped give me life and I wish I hadn't hesitated when he moved closer to me. It was a very possible trip I didn't make.
My mother says she doesn't want me to feel guilty. And I don't think it's guilt that I feel, but just a little hint of regret.
So here's what I want to say. If you have a chance, please take it. Whether that's for something to boost you in you career or schooling, or if it's a person you need to talk to. Don't be afraid. Give yourself those few minutes or an hour of courage. In the end it'll pay off. Because I now have to think about the fact that my fear of my dad getting angry or hurt if I went to meet my biological father and my own fear of what it would be like, has cost me the only opportunity I had. Life is too short guys, my father was only 47 when he passed. Anything can happen to anyone.
Don't let the past stop you, and don't let your fear of the future stop you either. None of us know when it's our time to part from this earth. We need to make the best of it.
I'll be alright, so don't worry about me. But I wanted to take this moment to have a deep talk with you all.
Love you guys and hope you have a wonderful week. Hug someone you haven't hugged in a while. Tell them you love them and that you care.
*virtual hugs all around; feel the love*
With Love,
Florence 🌻
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