I Found a Piece of Freedom

*Fair warning! If you're not religious or don't believe in anything higher than the human race, then maybe skip this post because I'll be posting again either later tonight or tomorrow I'm sure.*

Today, a guest speaker was at my boyfriend's church. We'll call him Patrick after Patrick Stump because he doesn't quite fit any male pop-singers I know.

Now Patrick had to help with Children's Church today, so I was left to listen to the guest speaker on my own. Usually I would've felt really awkward, and I did a little at first, but after a quick prayer before the message started, I felt less afraid of being alone and was ready to take notes and listen.

So, coolest bit, the guest speaker is a girl. We'll call her Stefani after Lady Gaga because her voice is INCREDIBLE. Stefani gets up to speak her message over us and I was moved from about 5 minutes in until she ended about 35 minutes later. I cried and my heart was softened. Stefani spoke of how she moved to another country and how she's been travelling all over Brazil to spread the love of God and to tell others about Jesus. She spoke of all the incredible miracles that happened when they prayed over these people who had never heard of Jesus before, of the good hearts of those who were working and helping her, of everything. I was so happy and so moved and it was tough because I had been slowly drifting away from my faith for the past 2 years. Not to the point of not believing, I've always believed in God and Jesus and everything! But my personal spiritual walk had been failing.

After service was over, and a group of people got done thanking and saying hi to Stefani, I went up and spoke to her for about 10-15 minutes about how her message totally spoke to my heart. I told her about my depression/anxiety and how, even though it's not terrible or anything, it has still hindered me from doing certain things over the years that it's really kicked in. She prayed with me twice (once during service, but the other was when I spoke to her) and she asked for my email so she could send me some scriptures to meditate on and gave me solid advice on how to move forward in my calling for God.

I just feel so much freer and my heart doesn't feel so heavy! I've found a piece if freedom in my life today, and I can't wait for the next steps.

Have any of you ever had an encounter like this before? Or, even if not spiritually, you just found a piece of freedom and life that came out if nowhere and blessed you? Let me know in the comments! Or if you need some prayer, let me know about that too; I will pray for you.

With Love,
Florence 🌻

To Be a Nightowl in A Small Town

So, ever since I was about 16, I've become someone who stays up really late.

Sometimes this is because I simply stay duo too late or slept in too much from the night/morning before. But, even though this is when I tend to do my best work for writing and art and the like, there are also some definite downsides to being a nightowl.

#1: Unless You Have Friends Who Are Also Nightowls, You're the Only One Awake
This has happened to me on a number of occasions. Most of my friends are either early birds naturally, or they're forced to be because of school. As for me, early is about 8:30 or 9 because I'm usually up until 2 or 3 in the morning. What sucks is if my thoughts start getting dark, everyone is asleep and the one person I know I could call (let's call him Zayn because, let's face it, he's still attractive to me) is the only person I can't and shouldn't call.
Moving on.

#2: You Tend to Want to Go Walk Somewhere, But If You're Female, Forget It.
Like, seriously, there's this cool place in town I love to go near our local train tracks. I actually used to go with Zayn when we were younger, before things got messy, and I always have this sense of freedom whenever I'm near or on the tracks. We used to go together really late and sometimes my brother or sister or another friend would tag along. Nowadays I sometimes still feel the urge to go there and feel the wind on my face,to feel dangerous and free and alive. But, because I'm a woman, going alone sucks. Referring back to numero uno, my friends are usually sleeping and it's like 1am and I know if I go, I'll get jumped or something. Bad idea.

#3: If You're Like Me, Your Thoughts Wander Too Far and Too Deep
I have dark days, but mostly I'm alright. It's alright night though that the darkness feels more like a breathing thing that sometimes feels like it's going to crack me open from the inside. I know that sounds HELLA depressing, but anxiety and depression is something I have to deal with every day. I'm not saying this for pity, it's just simply fact. I'm not in too deep; I need meds and a consistent Journaling system, especially in poetry, but for the most part I'm fine. Late night, I usually write great poetry and read good books and have deep, life questioning and wondering thoughts. But, again, the downside is if the thoughts begin to take over my sanity and I just can't sleep.

#4: Sleeplessness
I don't think I need to say more than that.

Anyway, the point is, I love being a nightowl, but at times, I wish I had a friend who was also one with me.

Are any of you like this? If so, please let me know! Maybe we can talk to one another some late night!

With Love,
Florence 🌻