Some Sad News But With a Good Lesson

Hello everyone.
Today's post is going to be a little lengthy, but that's to be expected from me. And I'm sorry it has to be kind of sad again but, I really haven't had anything interesting to talk about yet! Hopefully soon, I have many trips planned.
But, back to the matter at hand.

I didn't want to make a post about this, but I would like to get it off my chest. And also so people just know.
I'm not looking so much for sympathy, but I thought it best to speak just so my off mood can be better understood and so I can have a little talk with you guys about life.

Yesterday, I found out that my biological father passed away. He passed in November of a heart attack.

Now, I never knew him, never met him. I spoke to him on the phone I think a total of 3 times ever in my life and the last time I was 12. I spent most of my life thinking I didn't really want to meet him, and thought so even more after I finally got a dad who would take care of me and love me for the rest of my life! But after I graduated high school (2 years ago) I decided maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I began to consider it. It wasn't a final decision, but I decided to let it be an option again. I thought it would be cool to see where I get all my mannerisms and thought processes from since my mom says I'm just like him in those ways.

So, he recently moved about 4 and a half hours away from me and I began to consider it even more. I decided I would contact him after I turned 21 and that I would set up a time to sit and have a chat with him.

For those who have read my letter to him on here, you know that I was planning on this. I didn't want to meet him so he couldn't suddenly take the role of my dad, but more so I could know him in general and maybe have a sort of friendship with him.

Thus, I did cry when I heard the news. Mostly from shock, but also from sadness. I have no idea if he knew God or if he'd ever accepted Christ into his heart. I could've been the one to talk to him, and I planned on sharing that part of my life and it really pains me to know that my hesitation could have cost him an afterlife in heaven. If this is true, I will probably never get to meet him and I'm just really unsure of how to take the news. I wasn't close to him in even the simplest or slightest sense of the word. But he is the man who helped give me life and I wish I hadn't hesitated when he moved closer to me. It was a very possible trip I didn't make.

My mother says she doesn't want me to feel guilty. And I don't think it's guilt that I feel, but just a little hint of regret.

So here's what I want to say. If you have a chance, please take it. Whether that's for something to boost you in you career or schooling, or if it's a person you need to talk to. Don't be afraid. Give yourself those few minutes or an hour of courage. In the end it'll pay off. Because I now have to think about the fact that my fear of my dad getting angry or hurt if I went to meet my biological father and my own fear of what it would be like, has cost me the only opportunity I had. Life is too short guys, my father was only 47 when he passed. Anything can happen to anyone.

Don't let the past stop you, and don't let your fear of the future stop you either. None of us know when it's our time to part from this earth. We need to make the best of it.

I'll be alright, so don't worry about me. But I wanted to take this moment to have a deep talk with you all.

Love you guys and hope you have a wonderful week. Hug someone you haven't hugged in a while. Tell them you love them and that you care.

*virtual hugs all around; feel the love*

With Love,
Florence 🌻

I'm Back! Let's Hope It's a Good Thing...

Hey!

It's been quite a long time (for me) since I've wrote out some actual form of content for you guys! I mean, my last post was exactly a month and a day ago, but it was more of a "bye for now" thing.

So! Today I'm going to just give a quick update on my life and then move onward to some more recent things. It won't be quite as funny since my days as a toga-clad lady are over. *deep, sad sigh*

First off, as far as jobs, not much has changed. I work many shifts and still barely make enough because that's the nature of adulting. We have new people at both my work places though and it has been a frustrating time to say the least! They just don't know how to pick up speed with anything and I'm over in the corner like... trying not to want to kill them. Hopefully that clears up soon.

As far as friends, since it's now officially summer, I've seen more of my old buddies! I'm very happy about this, since I tend to feel lonely without my old group.

Family... well, same as usual. They miss me and I don't miss them a whole lot. That makes me sound like an ass but I've always been the detached one when it comes to family relations... sorry! It can also happen with friends, it's just not as frequent.

Then, there's my love life.
Let's just... take a moment to breathe. I have been so severely stressed about what the heck is happening between me and Patrick. He's seemed ok with me not seeing him as often and I was dying with loneliness and my anxiety was spiking. (Again, I should probably get my meds for that)
But, things seem to be going better. I don't want to make Patrick sound like some terrible guy because, he really isn't. He's very kind to me and treats me well. I just hope things keep going up instead of a slow slide downhill just because of personality differences. I've always been someone who would rather work out issues than give up.

On another note, Zayn and I are good friends again. (I am going to make this as un-weird as I possibly can)
I don't know if any of you remember me slightly mentioning Zayn a while back. Let's just say he read one of them... and it got really awkward for a while. But, moving past that, I'm just glad to have my friend back. He's just someone who... understands me, I guess. Again, trying to make this normal! Moving on so I can stop being an embarrassment to the human race.

I will be writing out movie/anime/TV show reviews soon and then making short videos on them as well. I don't know how long this will take since I do not have (nor can I afford) a laptop at the moment so editing is out of question. But when I do, I will be adding a link to the videos somewhere on my blog, so keep a look out!
The reason I want to do this is because 1) I love movies, 2) I love animation, and 3) every time I get on YouTube, I feel like there are no female reviewers (unless it's on things like makeup and skin care, which isn't bad but I want some new perspectives in film and shows).

That's all I will write for tonight and I will write some more hopefully later today! (Since it's nearly 1 in the morning for me right now)

Thanks for reading! I hope to stick around longer this time!

With Love,
Florence 🌻

Taking a Break

Hello everyone!
*crickets chirping... one person coughs...*

Ooookay then, let's get started on what needs to be said right now!

I feel like this blog in this time in my life is going to be difficult to keep funny and interesting. Because of this, don't expect posts as often as I used to post. I'm very busy with work, trying to decide what the hell I'm doing with my life, and figuring out and shoving away emotions that are in the way of me being a decent human. (Well. Maybe not quite so dramatic, but let's be honest)
I mean, not being able to sleep well is already an issue, but when it's because emotions are keeping me up? Yea, I need to just not.

So, on that note, I love you all, and hopefully I'll have some cooler, less emotional stuff to say!

I'm still around to talk if anyone needs that! And, just because I feel like I can say this (why not) I just dyed my hair pink! Well... most of it.. I did it myself and my hair is long, it was hard! Hahaha but I think I did decently enough for my first time doing it alone! I would show you but... *whispers* I'm but a leaf on the wind... wait... not the reference... whatever.

*normal voice*
Anyway! I will speak with you all later hopefully this month! Maybe I'll actually write about that concert! Or maybe I'll just say it was the best night of my life, those boys are to die for, and I can't wait to see them again... there ya have it.

Goodnight everyone!

With Love,
Florence 🌻

Real Talk [pt. 1 of... a lot?]

Hey guys.

Today was hard for me.

Now, this is going to be a serious post so if you're not down... that's cool, I'll be posting slightly out of order as far as days go. For example, today I'm writing about yesterday and LATER today I'll be posting about the day BEFORE yesterday...?

Yes, yes, it's all very confusing, but I got some stuff to say.

Back on topic; today was rough. It really shouldn't have been because I had a wonderful Friday! My logic has come around to "I spent all my happy energy Friday night so all Saturday I was drained and irritated and sad and shit" so that's probably what happened.

I got called into work when I'd only had 4 hours of sleep. So when I got back into town, I took a quick shower, threw on my work clothes, and went straight to work for nearly 5 hours. I then took a break to eat, (since I hadn't eaten in about 7 or 8 hours), and then promptly went to help tear down an event to help out my mom. I then wanted to watch the fight (yes, I watch boxing, whatevs) and THAT sucked. I got in trouble for driving there...? I dunno, I was already in an off mood because I hadn't done anything fun all day and I was running on such little sleep that it made me cranky. Poor Patrick, he probably thinks I'm mad at him, but I just wanted sleep.
But, being ever the active adult, I decided to, instead of sleep, go to the carnival! And ride the Zipper with my friends. And nearly die.
Just kidding, but it was pretty intense. We then got coffee (god Florence, you're so smart!) and then watched old cartoons. I mean... how am I alive? WHY am I writing this post now?!

I bring you to the rest of my day and feelings! I was feeling down, even worse while at the carnival, because I was having flashbacks of when I was younger and drama stuff. It made me actually want to leave just so I didn't get a full on attack of old emotions, but I couldn't because I came with my friends. (But I was 3rd wheel once more... ugh)

I dunno, I'm not usually like this, but I know I need to take my meds. I especially know I need to take them due to the fact that I just want to say all my feelings on Twitter and Tumblr and be all... overly emotional. Like, what is my life? How do I emotion, because I think this isn't how it's supposed to be done! I also really really miss my band kids. Also, I want to say everything and anything that pops into my head/heart and just cry and that's how I know I need my meds.

Again, I don't know why I wrote this post, but I just needed to get all this stuff off my chest.

I'll post something much happier later today! I apologize and hope you all have a wonderful morning... night? Whatever it is for you! :)

With Love,
Florence 🌻

Women in Togas!

Hey everyone! It's been quite a long time!

So, if you've been reading my blog, you know that I've been going to practices for my play. This last weekend, we finally, finally performed it.

Needless to say, it was quite fun, slightly hectic, exhausting, but well worth it. I was really truly sad to pack everything away and say my goodbyes to the people that had become like family to me. Though, once the semester is over, we plan on having another get-together and eating lots of food and probably drinking a fair amount of alcohol (because there's only like, 6 or 7 of us and why not) and playing board games and having musical/Disney karaoke.

Back to the topic at hand though, lots of people turned out, many laughed, and as expected, there was one performance that was just full of an awkward crowd that... really, didn't laugh at all. Quite strange, that was.
My sister kept telling me how cute I looked and I had to laugh because our Togas were made of plain, colored sheets. How... special? *laughs*

I don't know quite what else to say, but there was a lot of singing, a lot of random party time, a lot of frustration, and a lot of laughing. I enjoyed every moment and I can't wait to audition for another play/Musical in the near future!

With Love,
Florence 🌻

The Stress is Too Real

Hello guys.

We are now down to the final countdown [insert music here] for my play.

Today was one of the hardest, longest days of my life.

I have been balancing on the edge of being sick for about a week now. It was worse today probably because my room was way too cold last night and because of, well, stress.

Let's just say, I nearly lost both my jobs today due to the scheduling of the play. I was a crying mess because, let's be honest, I don't have the TIME to find a new job within the next couple weeks.

I am quitting one of my jobs in about 4 weeks, I just can't be there anymore, but the other one said they would work something out for me and that everything would be fine. (Thank God)

I'm still stressed out because, duh, the play is next weekend and how is that all gonna play out (see what I did there? Eh, eh?).

That's all I can really say right now, but just keep me in your thoughts and prayers because I am beyond my emotional limits right now.

If any of you guys are as well, let me know; I'll send you some kind and encouraging words!

With Love,
Florence 🌻

Tattoos & Video Games

Good morning everyone!

I figured since I was really behind on blog posts, I'd spoil you guys with another one just several hours after my last one! Whaaaat?

Moving onto the topics at hand, let's begin with tattoos.

Last Monday, my best friend Jay-Z and I went to get tattoos as a late birthday present to her because we were both too busy on her actual birthday about a week and a half before. Needless to say, even though it was my second tattoo, I was still really super nervous. I hate needles, of any kind, and I'm not good with putting myself in pain on purpose. Can I handle totally buffing it off a bike and skinning my knees and elbows all to hell? Yes. Can I handle getting flu shots or tattoos? Nope. But I prefer tattoos, and I like tattoos, so I just deal with it.

I got a Kingdom Hearts tattoo (freaking surprise, like I'm not the nerd I am and like I don't have a tattoo in elvish across my shoulder, whatever) and my friend got the Simba that's drawn on the tree in the Lion King.

I found this kind of funny considering how it was my cousins first tattoo as well, but he got his like 4 and a half years ago.

Anyway, I was literally amazed at how well she did. Both of my tattoos were all tiny and only one had color but she went all in! Size, tons of shading and coloring, the whole shabang. I could only applaud her inwardly because man, she did way better than I would have!

After that whole endeavor, we went clothes shopping and went to a really cool reptile store and held a beautiful Bermese Python named Sheba. It was a fun time!

Now, onto video games.

As you can tell by my recent tattoo, my favorite game series probably ever is Kingdom Hearts. I refuse to sell my PS2 because that's how I play KH 1 & 2. Nearly 2 years ago, 2 years ago, us fans got a teaser trailer for KH3. And recently, the word is that it might be coming out in February next year.

Like we haven't waited long enough?! I mean, come on! Cut us some slack guys, I'm dying over here!

I can't say I'm joking too much, because I really do want the game. I'm to a point where I'll slap down all my cash for a PS4 and the pre-order of the game whenever they actually release it!

Are any of you guys into tattoos or video games? If so, tell me about it, I would love to see what we might have in common!

With Love,
Florence 🌻